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| Thursday, March 17th, 2005 | | 10:13 am |
what's up in my life?
Haven't posted in here for a long time. My life has just been very busy, and honestly, I haven't had the motivation to write about it. I'm now in my second semester of my junior year at San Diego State. Looks like if I go to summer school, I will be graduating in a year. I haven't made concrete plans for after graduation, but probably I will just go on to grad. school. I am trying to study for my midterm in Health Psychology today, but I am having little luck in doing so. I have a midterm today, another one monday, and a test tuesday. Then that wednesday I leave for Boston for a week. I've never been to eastern U.S. so this should be fun. This will be my first trip without a guy going along. I'm very excited. Coming up in April, I am going to be walking in the MS Walk. It should be fun. Someone at work donated $50 to me for walking. Kimmi is going to be walking with me too. Well, there's more to say, but it's nto very interesting. So I guess this update will have to do for the next couple months. Current Mood:  groggy | | Tuesday, November 9th, 2004 | | 2:49 pm |
I haven't felt like updating in a long time, but I have a good hour on my hands with nothing to do, so I thought I would do a short update. Schools going well, I'm looking into graduate school, and where I want to go. I think I want to go away to graduate school. There is this 9-month masters program I'm looking at in Boston. I'm still working at Madison. I've been teaching a special ed. english class since school started. Its been fun. Monday I am being videotaped teaching. Andrew and I are still together. He's working on his MBA right now at Phoenix University. He says its hard work because you have to write so much, but that he finds it interesting. I'm planning a big party for him in December for his 25th birthday. It's not a surprise party...it was going to be but, I spilled the beans.! :) Anyways, the party is going to be in a cabin in pine valley. All his friends are going, and I'm going to buy him a keg for the party. He's excited! My birthday is coming up, I'll FINALLY be 20. No longer a teenager...yay! I'm not planning anything for my birthday. I think I will just go out to the movies or dinner with Andrew and that will be it. I'm excited for January to come. My friend Erin from school and I are going to Snow Summit for four days to go snowboarding. Her mom is paying for some big cabin for us right on the summit. I can't wait! I'll probably die because I'm not very good at snowboarding, but at least I don't fall getting off the lift anymore. :) I'm sure by the fourth day I will either be a) dead b) really good at snowboarding or c) eshausted and spending the day in our hot tub. Well that's the update on my life thus far. Current Mood:  complacent | | Saturday, August 14th, 2004 | | 5:40 pm |
Well I haven't update since before I left for Europe. I've been back for about 2 weeks now. My trip went great, I had a blast. For the last week of the trip it was only Andrew and I because the other two guys we went with left early. It was nice though. I haven't gone back to work yet, I don't know if I even can until I find out what my school schedule will be like. I register on Tuesday, and there is only 18 open seats in the class I really want! I thought now that I'm a junior I would be able to get some decent classes at decent times...I guess I thought wrong. Oh well! I've been hanging out with Kimmi a lot lately, we've become really great friends this past year. Since I've gotten back we seem to be inseparable. My dad and I have been cleaning out the garage, I found all my stuff from my old Mt. Aladin house. I've gone through it all and 50% of it I threw away. A lot of it is going to go into the garage sale we are going to have some time in the next few weeks. I haven't really been up to much just hanging out with friends and relaxing before school starts. I know I took a 5 week long vacation in Europe, but it sure didn't feel like I did! There's more I could say, but I really don't feel like writing in here anymore. I guess I'm pretty much done with the "journal thing". I'm sure I'll keep writing in the future but only when I have something to say...which isn't often. Stephanie...I want to come see your apartment sometime. Give me a call, I have a lot of free time right now so pretty much any day is good! Current Mood:  relaxedCurrent Music: olympic's on t.v. | | Sunday, June 13th, 2004 | | 2:53 pm |
This is it!
Well, in another 48 hours I will no longer be in this country. Tonight is the last night I will be sleeping in my bed for the next 5 weeks. Tomorrow I leave for LA, then Tuesday morning my flight takes off. I can't believe I'm really going to Europe! It hasn't sunk in yet. Right now I'm in the process of packing and making sure I have all my stuff together. I need to pay my credit card bills and pack and then I am ready. I have the feeling that I'm going to miss my friends and family but not San Diego, I'm ready to leave here and go somewhere new. Well, I guess this is it. See ya in a month! Current Mood:  ecstatic | | Monday, June 7th, 2004 | | 4:51 pm |
Well, in a week I will no longer be in San Diego. I can't believe I leave for Europe so soon. I feel like I have nothing ready, even though I do. It's going to be a shit load of fun! I'm going off alone in Germany because everyone else wants to go to Belgium. It's only going to be for a day or two. I think it might be fun to be on my own. It will be in the middle of the trip so I'll probably have a good feel for the place. Yesterday Kimmi and I went to Disneyland. We had a great time. She straightened my hair the night before, it was wild, I didn't recognize myself in the mirror. I liked it though, it looked awesome. We met two guys at disneyland one was named Ryan and the other Kevin. They were 9 years older than us but we had a great time together. Ryan asked Kimmi out even though she has a boyfriend. She didn't say yes but she definately didn't say no either. We went on the tower of terror. I was scared and almost chickened out but Kimmi literally draged me on. It was not as bad as I thought it would be. I even went on it twice! Well, Andrew's coming over tonight. He should be here within the hour. I don't know what we are going to do, but I'm just going to be glad to see him. I'm going to miss everyone so much when I'm gone. Kimmi and I are going to try and hang out before I go again, maybe do a "Girls Day" with everyone. Whatever we do it will be cool! Well, if I don't write between now and when I leave Bon Voyage everyone! Current Mood: excited | | Tuesday, May 11th, 2004 | | 5:22 pm |
Quick Entry
Well, one final to go and then I am offically a junior in college. Wow that sounds weird! That mean's four years ago I was a junior in high school. My life has changed so much within the past four years that I can't even begin to imagine where I will be in another four years. I'm glad school is almost over, that means I can go ahead and relax and focus on Europe and finding a part-time summer job for when I get back. I'll probably end up working at longs again...great! Well I should get going. Current Mood:  accomplished | | Friday, April 30th, 2004 | | 1:16 pm |
How are you?
Except for two days of finals on may 6 adn May 11...I'm done with school for the year and I am officially a junior! I hope that it goes fast between now and then becuase I just want it to be over. Soon enough! I've been thinking about hihg school a lot. I really miss being able to hang out with my firneds 5 days out of the week. I'm lucky to see kimmi even once a month now. I guess it's the fact that my life seems to be changing and I jsut want my friends there along the way. If I wasn't happy with where I am now and who I am now...I would say that I want to go back to high school, but I am happy and therefore, I'm truely glad to be out of high school. I'm nervous about the future. I'm nervous about Europe, I'm nervous about college being half-way over and not knowing what I want to do with my life, I'm nervous about after college, and marriage, and kids, and a career. I wish I knew what was to come, actually, I don't. I guess that's what makes life interesteing not knowing where you will be in a day, week, month, year. It's exciting, and you don't know if it will be for better or for worse. I am driving Andrew's car for the day. We swaped so that I could have the MHS autoshop fix his car for him. His breaks were crunching, and from experience, I know that's a very bad thing. He needs new roaters and is getting an oil change done. It's cool though because I haven't driven a stick in over a year so it's awesome being able to drive one again. I'm sure he's having a ball driving my T-bird. Current Mood:  anxiousCurrent Music: Tay Sneddon Teaching | | Thursday, April 15th, 2004 | | 4:14 pm |
Babbling on and on and on...
I've been really busy lately with school crap, work crap, life-type crap. Oh well, four more school days then I have finals and then I will officially be a junior in college...thank God! I failed my physio test on Tuesday. No matter how much I study for that class it's like my mind is determined to make me fail! GRRRR!!! I have the CBEST test this Saturday at 8:30 in the morning...how wonderful that will be. Watch me fail...that would be extremely funny because no one fails that test. I'll be the exception. Well, I leave for Europe in 61 Days! I'm so nervous but really excited at the same time. I wasn't sure that I wanted to go to Ampsterdam with three other guys but Andrew told me it will be fun. I also told him he wasn't aloud to propose in Europe, he just laughed and said I don't get a choice of when it will happen and that I will not be expecting it. So I'm assuming that means he won't propose in Europe because he knows that I was expecting it. Whatever! I realize that I hate working in groups, one other person I can handle, but working with 5 other people...that just drives me nuts! I hate it...I refuse to ever work in a group of over 2 people ever agian. Work has been going really good, I get a raise come the beginning of May. That will be a blessing. The district was cool and gave me a raise every three months that I was there my first year, but now they only give it once a year. I really have nothing important to say and at this point I am babbling; infact, that's all I've done this entire entry is babble! Livejournal's not the same as it use to be, maybe I'm not the same? Who knows? Well I'm leaving for class now...bye! Current Mood:  drainedCurrent Music: ummm...they don't play music in the computer lab! | | Friday, March 19th, 2004 | | 1:24 pm |
Spring Break
Well, i enjoyed my spring break from school. It was very relaxing. I didn't work during my break, instead I went down to Rosarito, and just spent my time hanging out with friends. It was nice, I hadn't hung out with them in a while. I'm pretty much set for europe. I applied for my passport, I have my backpack and clothes I'll be wearing. My ticket is all taken care of all I have to do now is get my money belt and new crdit card. It'll be interesting being over there. I'm very upset that I am the only girl going. Being with three guys for a month is going to drive me insane!!! Oh well, maybe I'll be brave and go off on my own for awhile while I'm over there. Sunday I'm going to Disneyland...again. Andrew has to work, so I'm taking his friend Cody with me. We are going to have so much fun. Kimmi and Mike are coming too. Well, I'm at work and should be actually working, so I better go. Current Mood:  annoyedCurrent Music: Students Talking | | Tuesday, February 24th, 2004 | | 9:31 pm |
A Square, by anyother name is still a square.
When someone uses the word square, a four sided congruent shape is the most likely thing to come to mind. However, the term "square" has a lot more depth and context to it, and this didn't really come to my mind until the other day, when I was called innocently a square. Something about this term used to describe someone wouldn't leave my mind and a series of events really put what it meant into a new light. It started with a recollection of something that occurred in my Sociology 101 class, the teacher asked each student to come up with one word that described them. I choose the word "determined". Something many people would use to describe themselves. Think about it, would you use the word determined to describe your self? Are you determined to buy a house one day? Determined to move out? Get a job that pays more than 10.50 an hour? Determined to just make it in life? If you answered yes to any of these questions that you should put the word "determined" into your personality description. But that's not my point, you see, as I continued to think about using the word "determined" to describe myself, an epiphany took place. I should have used the word "No" to describe myself. The reason behind it? I find that more often than not, I am saying no! No, I will not go out tonight, because I have to be at work at 7 in the morning. No, I can't take off work to go snowboarding! No, I can't go see a movie, because I have to feed my grandma. No I can't stay out till 3a.m. because I have to study for a test tomorrow. No, I can't skip school to go to Rosorito for the weekend. NO, NO, NO! It's like I'm a fucking record. Upon coming to this conclusion, another thought came to mind. The previously stated situations are all events that a "square" would say. Seeming I find myself saying these things quite often, and the fact that someone actually called me a square (even though they didn't mean it negatively), I realized that the majority of the people I know would describe me as a square. That itself is hurtfull, but to make it worse, is that I myself do see myself as a square. That's not something I want, I want to be known as someone who is fun, and spontaneous, and just an enjoyable person to be around - not a square. You see, a someone who is not a square would say "yes" all the time no matter what consequences were to take place. If I were stupid I could say "yes" and never know I was making the wrong choice; but, I'm not stupid, and so if I act with such careless judgment I have to live with the fact that I know better, and that I'm throwing away my dedication to my schooling, and career, and future. So where am I going with all this??? Honestly, I'm not sure, but this conclusion could possibly be made, if being dedicated, makes a person a "square", then everyone else who would use the word "dedicated" to describe themselves, is also esentially calling themselves a square. Does that mean the majority of the population are in fact squares? I don't know...but it's an interesting thought. Current Mood:  contemplativeCurrent Music: debating on t.v. | | Tuesday, February 10th, 2004 | | 6:38 pm |
Brief Update.
For awhile there I thought I was never going to get the time to update. I'm back at school, it's a good semester so far. I have an extra class load so my "play" time is at a minimal. Work is going well. I think I have the best job in the world. I get to eat whenever I want, talk to people, walk around and do nothing, and of course yell at people for messing up the bulletin again! I wish school was as laid back as work is - unfortunately it's not! I have a test every week, sometimes three in one day! It's horrible, but I must be doing pretty well because I got an A+ on my Behavior and Learning Test last Thursday. Whoo Hoo...I got the highest score in the class, and the damn class has 275 people in it. That is so awesome! I've been smiling all day. Only thing that really sucks about school is that I'm here till 8 o'clock at night. I guess it's not so bad because it is only two days a week. Better than five days a week like in high school. I can't even imagine coming to school for five days a week anymore... that would be like torture to me. Not much else has been going on, I'm going to disneyland on friday and then sea world on saturday. I have a feeling they are going to be exceptionally crowded, but I really don't care, I'm still going to have fun. Lots more has been going on but I have to go to class now. I'll see about updating more often, but I doubt it will happen. I think my livejournal is coming to an end. :( It's okay though...I need to live in the real world, not the computer screen. Besides what does that say about a person who updates their journal more than once a day? They certaintly have no friends...or a life for that matter! Okay time to go... Current Mood:  cheerfulCurrent Music: other people typing | | Monday, December 29th, 2003 | | 2:36 pm |
December!
This past month has flown by with finals, winter break beginning, Christmas, and now New Years. It's been a good month for me though. I got some really cool stuff for Christmas like a digital camera and money. I went to pine valley with all my friends and stayed in a cabin up there for two days. We went to mt. laguna. We built a snowman. All of it was fun. My room is a mess I decided to store all the chrismas decorations boxes in the corner, now my room is a mess and I can't get to the boxes so I can take down the decorations. I think a lot of picking up and cleaning is going to be taking place in the next 48 hours. Fun for me! I registered for my classes for next semester, I'm taking a lot of classes, and I'm crashing some more. I have five classes right now and I'm crashing two more. That will give me a total of 21 units this semester plus I'm taking an aerobic dance class at MESA which brings my classes up to 22 units. I'm going to have to drop some. I'm not sure which ones yet. I think Intro. to Physicological Psychology I'm going to drop. We'll see. The semester hasn't started yet. It starts on the 13th of Jan. Whereas Madison starts again on the 5th I think both shouldn't start until Feb. 2 like MESA. New Years is going to be fun, Andrew and I are going to a nice dinner and then his friend is having a party, which we will be attending. We also got a hotel room, so our drunk butts don't have to drive back to Chula Vista. I'm really upset, my damn license hasn't come and it's been expired for over 6 weeks. This is not a good thing, if I get caught not having a valid license I'm gonna be screwed, I called the DMV but had to hang up because I had more important things to do than wait an hour on the phone to talk to someone. My internet hasn't been working, I finally figured out it was the phone wire that was bad not the internet. Other than that not much more has been going on. Current Mood:  satisfied | | Saturday, November 15th, 2003 | | 2:10 pm |
I can't think of a subject.
Well, I've been having a great time lately, this past week Andrew and I celebrated our one year anniversary. I knew he had something planned but I wasn't sure what. It ended up being disneyland (I had a feeling it would be). We went there for the holiday celebrations and it was awesome. The first day we were standing in line to get tickets and I mentioned to him that we should get year-round passes sometime. So when we got up to the front of the line, he baught two year-round passes. It was a shocker. When we got the passes they found out my birthday was coming up, so they gave me this sticker that said Happy Birthday Jeanette on it. From there we spent the rest of the day at California Adventure Land, and all the employee's wished me a happy birthday, even though we were celebrating our one year anniversary. It was cool. After that we went back to the hotel and got ready for dinner, he took me to Outback (my favorite restaurant). From there we went back to the hotel where he had a bottle of wine chilling and we drank the whole bottle and took shots of vodka. He told me it's some of the best vodka you can buy but I thought it tasted like shit. I guess it's just because I don't like hard alcohol. Anyways, after that he lit some candles and we hung out until we went to bed. It was great. The next day we went to disneyland and it was a blast. We cut and got on the rides quicker than everyone else. Then we had lunch at the Blue Bayou (that restaurant inside Pirates of the Carribean). I've never eaten there and I told him along time ago that I wanted to eat there so he had made reservations. Then all the food servers sang happy birthday to me and gave me a thing of chocolate mousse for my birthday. It was fun. The haunted mansion looked great, and we had a great time. Now I'm back and buckling down with school...my finals are coming up and so far I'm not passing Development or Bio. I baught study guides for both classes so that I could help myself get a better grade. Work has been going good ever since I got out of the office. Everyone forgot about my birthday...but I didn't really expect them to remember. They are all very self involved. Other than that I've been up to the same old stuff, hanging out with friends, going to movies (I saw the new Matrix movie...it was cool), and just basically enjoying life. Tomorrow for my birthday, Kimmi, Shawn, Andrew, and I are going to hang out and have dinner then go to a casino, so that will be fun. I'll have to find my casino rewards card...i'm not sure where it is. Well I'll update when I have something more to say. Current Mood: gratefulCurrent Music: the toilet flushing | | Monday, October 27th, 2003 | | 10:08 pm |
My house is still standing...is yours?
So yesterday, I wake up an hour early to go to Snow Jam because I forgot to set back my damn clock. GRR Everything is glowing Orange and I think it's just cloudy and it's going to rain until I turned on the news...found out it wasn't water drops on my car but rather ash and burnt leaves. Andrew came over and I convinced him to drive by the fire...we drove east on the 52 and then got off on Santo Rd. We were about 100 yards away from the fire...it was cool...an hour later Santo Rd was on fire. Went down to Mission Valley and saw flames, from there went to Serra Mesa (which is next to Tierrasanta), decided to leave and came back to my house. No work today...heard Madison caught on fire...can't confirm yet but hoping to hear soon. Maybe no work Wednesday! That would be exciting. No school tomorrow...which means no midterms! That's exciting seeming I haven't studied AT ALL for them. This gives me an extra two days. I'm tired of breathing in smoke! It needs to be semi-clean air again! Tomorrow Andrew and I are going to hang out...it'll be fun if we can find something to do. Nothing much more to say. Current Mood:  bored | | Sunday, October 5th, 2003 | | 7:34 pm |
everything!
I've been having a really bad string of days lately and it's getting me very upest. I haven't been this stressed out in a long time. Where to start, my grandma was in the hospital for about a week, she finally got home on Wednesday. Every night I go over there and make her dinner. It's not that I mind but it really cuts into my life. I have homework to do and when I actually get some free time and want to go out I have to make sure I go over and feed her. It's such a hassle...why can't my sister help out? I'm finally getting over my cold that I've had for the past two weeks (about damn time), I don't think I've ever had a cold this bad. It took the life out of me, I didn't have energy to do anything during the day, so I'm very behind in everything. I realized I have bigger debts to pay off than I have money so that is just adding to my problems. On top of that I need time off work but they just promoted me into a five hour position which I'm glad about but now I feel bad asking for time off. I also think I might have a cavity because my tooth won't stop hurting when I chew on food. On top of all that, my mom's stupid psychiatrist called me today to have me come to a session with her and my mom. She said some very unethical things to me and now I am reporting her to the APA (American Psychiatric Association), if there are enough complaints about her she will loose her license...that's what I'm hoping for. I had to write a three page paper and because I have all this crap on my mind I can't concentrate enough to write anything that makes logical sense. I just want out of my body for a couple days. I don't know what to do anymore...life is just really taking it out of me recently. I need a break! I need some time where all I have to worry about is myself and I can't get it. I'm tired of worrying about everyone else's problems. I swear people create problems just so someone else can get them out of it! Tommorow I work...but as soon as I am off work I'm going to the bank, depositing what little money I have and then I'm going to take care of my financial problems. Hopefully my dad will be home tomorrow and will take care of my grandma's dinner tomorrow night, so I can have a nice evening with Andrew. Okay, that's it for now, i'm going to take a shower because showers are relaxing! Current Mood:  stressed | | Saturday, September 20th, 2003 | | 10:03 pm |
At least this entry is smaller than the previous!
My professors decided to pile on a million tests next week...none of which I am prepared for. I suppose that the rest of my weekend will consist of my head in books. Fortunately, my Bio test is take home so that will be nice. On the other hand my bio lab test is not take home and that is my worst class this semester. YUCK! Work killed my feet on Friday. I wore shoes that I bought on the day before so having never worn them I didn't realize how badly they were going to hurt my feet. When I finally got home I couldn't even walk normal I had to walk on the sides of my feet. I looked pretty foolish. At least there was no one home to laugh at me. That's one thing I like is that I am home alone every night so I don't have anyone bugging me and I can come and go as I please. Today Kimmi and I went and looked for halloween costumes. She is going to be cat woman and is trying to get me to be Poison Ivy. I don't think so! I couldn't pull it off. Anyways, we had a really good time together. Of course we got lost (what else is new) but we found our way back so it was good. I find it funny that I always seem to go on trips that should take about twenty minutes but for me take two hours. I guess it's the blonde in me. I baught this piggy bank for Andrew today and it says "Something for the Baby" on it. So as a joke I'm going to give it to him, and freak him out making him think I'm pregnant when in real like I'm not. Then once he clams down after the shock I'm going to show him that the part that says "Something for the Baby" comes off and is replaced by "beer money". That suits him more. I know he's going to end up killing me but it will be really funny watching his face. The guy at the store said it was a cruel thing to do but did say he thought it was funny. Good Times! Current Mood: tired | | Wednesday, September 17th, 2003 | | 9:30 pm |
Rebellious Phase
School has started and I'm getting into the flow of it. It seemed a little overwhelming at first but now it's not to bad. I have a lot of reading though that I have to do because we are tested on it so that is a downfall. I don't care for my Bio Lab class only because it is to long. I don't understand how a 2 hour and 40 minute class can only be worth one unit. It sucks! I do more work in that class than any of my others. Madison is going to pieces and this psycho lady keeps coming up there looking for things she can sue the school for. I think it's absolutely ridiculous...why doesn't she just get a real job, it sure would make sense to be and be a lot less time and effort for her. Whatever...I don't get people. Well, tonight was my final night of seeing Ricky for the summer. I only saw him three times, but when he comes down I'll see him again. I think I'm going to try and keep in touch with him more because I really miss him. He's a great guy and he always will be, but there are things in life you just have to let go of and stop waiting for. Ricky's one of them. Andrew is the most important guy in my life now. Ricky brought over a sopapia for me tonight. I always feel special when I get one of them. He even brought hunny because I didn't think I had any. Sunday, Shawn and I went to El Cotixan to see Ricky. It was awesome we had a blast. We had some interesting discussions about life and how it would be weird if San Diego was hit by a bomb and we didn't know about it because we were out of town and how we would come back to nothing. That would be strange. Now that school is back in session I'm seeing a lot more of Shawn. He's really becoming more and more mature, but at the same time he's still the same old Shawn. Yesterday I dyed his hair for him. It's hard to believe that in two months I will be 19. I wish of course that I would be turning 23 and this would be my last year of college and that I'd be graduating and getting my masters...but it's not going to come true, so I'll just have to deal I suppose. I remember waking up on my seventeenth birthday and saying to myself "Only 365 more days until I'm 18" the following year I woke up on my eighteenth birthday and said "Only 365 more days until I'm 19." What's funny is that this year I'll wake up on my nineteenth birthday and say "Only 366 more days until I'm 20." I guess it's better that this year is a leap year instead of next year because then I'd have to wait a whole extra day before I turned 21. I haven't done my homework yet tonight. I'm procrastinating...thinking about life and how rebellious I've been feeling. I'm ready to just go out and do something and not tell anyone about until it's done so that no one can change my mind, or come with me. Maybe I should just pick up and leave for NYC and stop caring what people think about me going. I'm going to go and I'm going to go when I want to go and for how long I want to go and if no one comes with me fine I don't care! I could care less if I spend Christmas Day in New York...I think it would be cool. It'd be really scarry and I'd probably never hear the end of it but to tell you the truth the gratification I would get from it would be worth the trouble. I watched this episode of Boy Meets World and it made me think. A lot of people go through life and just settle...I don't want to be one of these people...I don't want to get comfortable with something and then just realize that all I've done with my life is settle. I've been taking a good look at my life lately and reflecting upon it. Things are chagning and I've come to the conclusion that growing up is going to take longer than I want it to, and it scares me because the more I think about it the more I see how much I've changed in such little time. I don't mean anything big, but my mind has grown and my outlook on many things has become more educated (I guess that's what happens in college). I'm kinda scared though because I don't know what the future holds for me and I kinda wish I was back in high school where the future seemed clearer...I would graduate...go to college...get a good job...have a family...retire...then die. But I find myself wondering if I wan't a family now, if I want to retire at an early age, or if I even want to get married. I don't know who I want in my life and I'm sure that it will be a hard decision for me to have to make on whether or not I spend the rest of my life with Andrew. In all honesty I miss being single. Don't get me wrong, I love Andrew, he's amazing and I couldn't imagine not being with him, but still...my mind questions what it would be like if I was out there exploring other opportunities that I have had to sacrifice in the past. I went to my ob/gyn, she put me on The Pill. I have something wrong with my uterus and it is causing my lining to be thick. I don't know what that all means but she told me it wasn't a good thing. She put me on the pill hoping that would fix it. I was pretty upset when I found out but Andrew was comforting and told me it was probably a good thing I went on the pill. I hope so, I just fear that I might forget to take the pills or something. I've been sick the past four days and my temperature reached a low of 95.5 the other night. I'm up to 98.6 today so I think the worst is over. Lots of pepto bismal and I'm good to go. I guess that's it...I've just been rambling on and on. Current Mood:  curiousCurrent Music: the house creeking | | Sunday, August 31st, 2003 | | 1:51 pm |
This is my life! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I worked this past week, I talked to the spec. ed. chairperson and they might give me a 5 hour position which would get me out of the office for five hours instead of just 2 which would be nice. Melanie left and that sucks but I'm sure I'll see her around and talk to her on the phone now and then. Ehimy is working in the office now so that'll be cool having her to talk to on Fridays. I start school next tuesday. I'm not looking foward to it at all and I already wish it was over. I am so tired of going to school I could just puke! Yesterday I went to a party with some old high school friends...it was soooo awesome. I haven't had that much fun in god knows how long. I swear my friends in high school were the best friends anyone could ever ask for. I really miss going to school with them. If we all went to school together I'm sure I wouldn't hate it as much as I do. Today I haven't done anything but snap at people and loose my temper a lot. I don't know why...I'm just frustrated and I hate the feeling of being frustrated. I think I just need to relax but I can't seem to relax without getting all upset again. I feel really bad, I was being extremely mean to Andrew on the phone and he didn't deserve any of it. All he's ever done is be there for him and here he is willing to listen to me and I just shut him down. I don't deserve him! Now I don't know what to do... I can't even explain to him what's wrong with me because I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm going to call him later today and appologize, and I know he's going to want an explanation and I don't have one for him. I seriously just don't know what's going on with me. It's beginning to scare me. I just need HELP and I don't even know what kind of help to ask for. GRRRRR! Andrew asks me what's wrong and I don't reply because I don't know what to say is wrong. It's not any one thing in particular it a bunch of little things, then he gets mad at me because I'm not opening up to him and it's not that it's the fact that I don't know what to say to him because i don't know what's wrong. Then he tells me I'm stubborn and that makes me even more upset and then before we know it we are both in crappy moods and what's worse is that I know I'm the one that has caused his crappy mood and I can't help it because I don't know what the heck is bothering me. If I knew that then everything would be okay. I think i'm just bored with my life. I have few true friends, no family, I never get to see andrew, i'm tired of school and it hasn't even started, I'm always tired because I can't turn off my mind at night, and things just seem to be getting worse. My wrist is causing me so much pain that I just want to cut it off, and to top that I have to go back to my OBGYN because the ultrasound came back abnormal. I am so sick of my life I just want to leave and never look back...I want out...of this house, of this town, of this city, of this country...I'm tired of it...all of it and worst of all is... I CAN'T LEAVE! I'm stuck right where I am for the next 5 years. *sigh* What am I going to do? Tomorrow I'm going to a Labor Day Party, and then tuesday is school, wednesday I work...then get my wrist checked...then I go get my car smogged. Thursday, I go to school again and then Friday I work all day, Then it's the weekend again and I'll be right back where I am. Nothing ever seems to change. Okay I'm done complaining. If anyone has some words of advice...it would be greatly welcomed. Current Mood:  sadCurrent Music: the t.v. in the back ground | | Friday, August 22nd, 2003 | | 4:19 pm |
a day off of being me
Going back to work made me remember why I hated a lot of it...it's the people. I have the next two weeks off so I can easily settle into work and school at the same time and it looks like I will be getting another job. I might go back to Longs...but not the one on Balboa. I'm also looking at hotels, and a postal annex up in UC. I've been having the weirdest experiences with my mood the past few days. I'll be very excited one minute and then snapping off someone's head the next. It's driving me insane. Last night on the phone I had a nervous breakdown (or something) during a conversation with Andrew. It was very embarassing and I've never done that before. Today he called and I felt weird talking to him. In fact, I felt so awkward that I declined to go to lunch with him. I don't know what the hell is going on with me. I'm just tired of my life and how it never seems to go the way I want it even though I try as hard as I can to force it in a particular direction. All I seem to do is the same thing, it's like a ritual and there's no pizaz because I'm trying to save money for this or for that, or I have this bill due or that. Or I can't do something because I have a prior engagement. I think my mind is on overload...a lot of questions have came into my mind in the past 48 hours. Well, I don't know what to do...I guess it really is a good thing that I'm moving to the UK. It'll be a good change of pace for me. But then again that's just another thing I have to save for! Today I'm going to get a gift for my cousin's baby shower. I don't know what to get her. Her babyshower is tomorrow at 9 a.m. in the morning. That means I have to leave S.D. at 7 a.m. :( I think it'll be a good thing for me though...maybe I'll just keep driving up to san francisco or something tomorrow and not come back for a day....I could take a side trip to hollywood or something...that would be cool. I guess we'll just have to see. that's it for now. Current Mood:  calmCurrent Music: the dog licking a plate | | Monday, August 18th, 2003 | | 10:29 pm |
Pathy update.
My car's check engine light decided to come on during the drive home from Chula Vista. :( Now I get to spend tomorrow trying to figure out whats wrong. Damn you car! I will not put a lot of money into this car like I did the last one...nope sorry ain't going to happen! Well, I went swimming today. It was relaxing. This morning I registered for my classes for state. What a fucking hassle that was, but I'm in and I got most of the classes I wanted so that's good. I was worried that I was going to have to take a night class but I dropped it and added a very early in the morning class. This semester I'm taking English, Biology, Biology Lab, Geological Sciense of the Planet Earth, and a development class. Wow I have all science classes except for English. This is going to suck. I went down to rosarito last week. The guy at the bar didn't believe I was 18. He asked me a million times about my age and date of birth and when I'll be 19. I think that is sad. I know I look young and all, and I can understand why here in the USA people would question my age, but not fucking down in Mexico! Oh well...I'm over it. I went and saw Uptown girls with Kimmi the other day. It was a chick flick but it was still a very cute and enjoyable movie. Kimmi and I are becoming best friends and that's really nice because I don't have many female friends. Hummm...other than that I haven't been up to much. I go into work on the 21st and 22nd for a couple of hours. I start school next week, and then it'll be back to madison again starting in september. I just realized that today is the 18th and that it's my nine month anniversary. Andrew and I both forgot...that's funny...we are pathetic. Neither of us remembered. LOL Well, I guess that's it for now. I'll write again soon. Current Mood: chipperCurrent Music: the washer |
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